List of flavor text
From Archon Arcana - The KeyForge Wiki
This page contains a list of all flavor text on KeyForge cards. Each card is grouped by its set of first appearance.
Call of the Archons
Partly cloudy with a chance of acid rain.
”And when I say ‘bear,’ I mean it in the loosest of terms.” – Quixo the “Adventurer”
“Don’t make them angry you say? Heh. The Brobnar are born angry.” –Old Bruno
A Bad Penny saved is a Bad Penny earned.
“Heckuva deal.” – Old Bruno
The worst part is the singing.
“Some call her ‘warleader.’ Some call her ‘demon.’ I just call her ‘Avalanche.’” -Dodger
“You! Æmber lover. You’re next.”
“Blood of Giants? Why stop there?” -Pingle Who Annoys
“Soooon…”
Nature says “do not touch” in so many creative ways.
“Let me be thy shield.”
Whatever he doesn’t like, he breaks. He doesn’t like anything.
“If you can’t protect it, you don’t deserve it.” -Bilgum Avalanche
“Give me half a chance an’ I’ll steal the whole of it.”
“Steel thyself, Knave. To harm them you must first defeat me.”
“All my skill in battle brings me not one step closer to Enlightenment.”
It doesn’t like to share.
“Plenty of machines in the wild. Some of ‘em’s even alive.”
Thy body is an illusion. Only thy spirit is eternal.
“OBEY.”
“Don’t worry, this will only sting a lot.”
“I was not always a knight. Perhaps, someday, you will stand where I stand and see what I see.”
“It sure beats uncooperative hunting!”
“As far as oblivions go, it’s in my bottom three.” -Dr. Escotera
Behold the glory of Nova Hellas!
“It started with Schrödinger’s cat and just kept going from there.” – Quixo the “Adventurer”
“Don’t worry, Momo. We’ll have this quantum death ray installed in no time.”
“What did you do, Tiny?” -Valdr
“I know I shouldn’t’a nicked it, but ‘twere so…shiny.” -Noddy the Thief
The cities of the Sanctum are safe, clean, and vibrant like few others on the Crucible. But few are judged worthy to enter.
“Interesting reaction, but what does it mean?”
“Remember me.” – Squire Duma, at the Battle for the Gate of Hope
“Call me Night-Haunter and Duskrunner, call me Who-Goes-There? and Just-The-Wind.” – ‘The First Thief’, a Shadows children’s tale
When the demon’s away, the imps will play.
The faeries are believed to be created by the Architects to tend to the plants and animals of the Crucible. In the eons since their creation, some have become…quirky.
“Did you feel that?”
“This is for our research, so be honest. How do you feel?”
You’ll never see it coming.
Guess how he got that name.
”Mathematically, a moon orbiting the Crucible is impossible.”
”Then what is that?!”
It takes two to fight, but more is better.
“They offered to let my crew stay with them. I politely declined.” –Captain Val Jericho
“I said ‘take me to your leader’ and got a fist to the face.” – Captain Val Jericho
“I felt a little bad stealing from the Microputians, but only a little.” – Noddy the Thief
“Just trying to understand these… ’things’ gives me a headache.”
“An object, no matter how sacred, is just a thing.”
“Mine!”
C’mon, take it. You know you want to.
“Forget the others, have you seen the teeth on that one?!”
Swords into plowshares is thinking too small.
“Let me give you a hand...”
“The Enlightened are above haggling. Me, on the other hand…”
“I mean, I think it’s a head...”
He’s much bigger in person.
“Now where did you put that...”
“As your spirit is holy, so æmber, which is the spirit of the earth, is holy.” -The Sanctified Scroll
One brings death.
One takes away.
One brings tainted gifts.
One comes to antagonize.
“What is it? Is it food?”
“Help! I can’t stop this feeling!”
Most Martians on the Crucible came out of one of these tanks.
“Let me weave you a tale.”
“The Sanctum gives meaning to my life.” - Duma the Martyr
“They poisoned Mars. We must not let them do the same here.” –Eldest Bear
“The humans make it. It’s called ‘moo-zak.’”
“The knights protect the Sanctum. They are entitled to certain... benefits.”
“You might call it madness, but for all we know madness is a key ingredient.” – Inka the Spider
What time is it?
Overthrowing this king is an uphill battle.
Attention to detail is the key to all progress.
“At first, I thought that nothing could harm an Archon.” – Captain Val Jericho
“Here...Catch!”
When you make an archive of all knowledge
in the universe, don’t be surprised when you understand almost none of it.
“This place takes the idea of losing yourself in a book to a whole new level.” -Doc Bookton
“I thought his name would turn out to be... metaphorical.” – Quixo the “Adventurer”
“Loot the Bodies! Hit the Floor! Loot the Bodies! Hit the Floor” –Brobnar War Chant
“Enlightened” does not mean “peaceful.”
“Nothing that big should be able to move that silently.” – Lost Lukas Lawrence
The first sin is fear.
The second sin is apathy.
The third sin is greed.
It is said that if you travel far enough across the Crucible, you will eventually meet yourself.
Once upon a time there was a scroll that began: Once upon a time…
Dark of night, thieves’ delight.
“Of course she’s necessary, she’s the mother of all invention!”
“Look out for the pincers and don’t make it crabby. “ –Dr. Escotera
“He’s a real fun guy if you get to know him.” –Eldest Bear
“Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go...”
“Don’t look so shocked to see me!”
“Did it just say Niffle?” -Captain Val Jericho
Every world has its fearsome creatures that thrive in the darkness, and the Crucible has them all.
“One civilization’s trash is... nope, still trash.”
“I raise.”
“I forgot we had this down here!”
Pawn to Queen’s Bishop four.
The Architects took great pains to make the Crucible inhabitable for creatures from worlds across the galaxy. But they didn’t make it safe.
They can skeletonize a snufflegator in two minutes flat.
“They come from another world, they are pure evil made flesh and steel, and they lurk in the darkest corners of the land. Yes, I’m comfortable calling them ‘demons.’” –Science Officer Wu
“Totally Tubular!” – Quixo the “Adventurer”
“I’d make more, but I discovered lesser minds aren’t worth reading.” – Biologician Moreau
Three for flinching.
“...I’ll leave this part out of the memoir.”
“Truly I say to you: pie is superior to cake.” -from the Ravings of the Prophet Gizelhart
“Sacred Æmber is not meant for hands such as thine.”
“3.14159, Niffles, Monosodium Glutamate...”
“Deep in the heart of every bear, one can find...another bear.” -Dr. Escotera
...time back turn could I if
“I put it down for just a second...”
Is balance a means to an end, or an end in itself?
“Wheeeee!”
“I like to think of it as a Roguere.” –Dodger
“Come my friends, let us ready for battle.” –King Godfrey Greywind
“Was that you, or the cave?” -Captain Val Jericho
“I think that thing made me deaf!”
“What? I can’t hear you! I think that thing made me deaf!”
“What was that?”
“I follow the Æmber light of the Sanctum, the light of truth and hope. What is it you follow?”
“Together!”
“Do you want imps? This is how you get imps.”
“It’s working!”
“Demons only take, never give.” – The Sanctified Scroll
“I can’t see anything. Do I look cool?”
If you see teeth gleaming in the dark, it’s already too late.
Skeleton sold separately.
Don’t fret the details. Progress happens when you least expect it.
“I’m not sure he knows any other words.”
Even the Martians’ pets have a bone to pick with the other lifeforms on the Crucible.
It’s only sensible to fear the dark.
“Well, it’s a snufflegator, ain’t it?” –Dodger
Any landing you walk away from…
No one goes in, no one comes out. And yet the fires burn.
“Better to run with the herd than be trampled beneath it.” -Eldest Bear
“Why did we make this again?”
“Them bots don’t wear pants. I carry spares.”
“Don’t try to change the Crucible to suit your needs. Let it change you.”
“Thou shalt wear pants.”
“As it turns out, it’s a weaker version of the uncommon cold.” -Dr. Escotera
“The spirit is eternal. The flesh is weak. Let go the flesh, for your earthly strength is the greatest prison.” -The Last Book
“I once thought that these creatures could be redeemed. Now I know better.” –Champion Anaphiel
Few but the Archons possess the ability to detect the Vaults. Few but the Sanctum would presume to dictate which Archons are worthy.
It doesn’t matter what the treasure is, only how it was won.
“Destitution. Dereliction. Defenestration.”
If they come, they will build it.
Not taking it would be the real crime.
Don’t feed it, it’ll go away.
“Who’s driving?”
“I thought you were.”
“Let’s…not tell the Elders.”
“GLORY BE TO MARS!”
“When the fightin’s done, the real work begins.”
“Gather that Æmber! And you’re welcome.”
Logos are divided into two camps: Theorists and Mechanists. Each believes themselves to be superior to the other.
Nothing helps me think like wanton destruction.
On the Crucible, there is no sanctimony. There is only Sanctumony.
“But if we ever do recover the dataprobe, think of what we will learn!”
“Waste not, want not.”
“Yo’ Mama is sooo tiny...”
Core power online. Stand by for domination.
Age of Ascension
Giants can count past two, but why bother?
“Never rush a good deal.”
“I no longer know who serves whom.” – Iona, Demonologist
“The more it hurts, the more it shares its pain. What a beautiful monster.” -Miss “Onyx” Censorius
“Even the rocks themselves suffer here.” – Eldest Bear
“It’s so cute! I want another one.” -Dextre
“A righteous law will enforce itself.”
”The mountain’s answer.” – Nirbor clan term for “avalanche.”
“I will not chain you. You have already chained yourself through your blind affection for these mortals.” — Judge Slenderwile, Archon
“Boom!”
“Oh no! My bones!” -Quixo the “Adventurer”
“Redemption is a journey, not a destination.”
“Is that short for Brammunition?” – Dodger
“Here, hold this.”
“Greetings! I bring rad tidings.”
“We found it while searching through the Kurnois Bog for a superior duck.” – Dr. Escotera
“Phlox ‘em! Phlox ‘em all!”
“So, this nonlethal containment field; how lethal do you want it?”
“Ya got beef with me?”
“…”
“To steal data from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.” – Dr. Escotera
“Greetings! I bring bad tidings.”
“Ain’t nothin’, ain’t nobody, that can beat my beat.”
”I know it was right here… right before the Midnight Chronicles.”
15 years, 40 million UX credits, and a 3% improvement on the real duck.
Those with nothing to hide have nothing to fear.
The skalds were really hot that night.
There isn’t a big difference between the biggest humans and the smallest giants.
“Fierce as a Brutodon and about as sharp.” – Livia the Elder
“Why hello, fellow guards!”
Don’t go into the light.
Order. This is the Sanctum’s promise.
Why steal ‘from’ the bank…
“See, Momo? I told you it wouldn’t take long.” – Doc Bookton
”I learn, I die, I learn again.”
“The hypnopotamus is the deadliest animal on three known planets.” – Science Officer Wu
“I love the knife life in this city!”
“Again? Ya’ kiddin’ me?”
“It’s a fair trade, boss. I don’t mind.”
“And they said I was annoying!” – Pingle Who Annoys
“Greetings! I bring glad tidings.”
“Titans are to giants as giants are to goblins.” – Dr. Schucks
“Greetings! I bring mad tidings.”
“Mars second, third, and fourth, too, if you ask me.” -Ulyq Megamouth
“F-f-forgive me; I misspoke! Thirty—no, forty—percent discount!”
What weapon can scar a being of pure light?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
“…Who’s there?”
“Welp, we’re niffled.” -Captain Val Jericho
”As they get older, they get meaner.” – Iona, Demonologist
”I will not be denied.”
“I will not yield.”
“Whatever it was, it’s cursed now.” -Bordan the Redeemed
It’s coming…
“Dark wolf, black as night, always pounces to the right.” – from “Panpaca”, children’s game
“Light wolf, stole a hen, to the left and start again.” – from “Panpaca”, children’s game
“A lead foot? I’ll give ‘em a lead foot.”
“Ah, excellent! My father will be pleased.”
“I’m particularly fond of paragraph 2, subsection C.” -Jehu the Bureaucrat
“I taught me everything you know.”
”Everything will be fine, as long as it doesn’t wake up.”
So if you push forward in space, and I pull backward in time…
“And the winner is…Old Bruno. Again.”
“You look like an Archon with discriminating tastes.”
“Verily, I say unto thee; bring it on.”
“The Svarr are masters of improvised weaponry.” -Toothless Jakk
“Greetings! I bring… Hello?”
Forged from courage.
Forged from fear.
Forged from confidence.
Forged from desire.
Forged from instinct.
Forged from curiosity.
Forged from joy.
“All Æmber is ours by right.”
“Staying with the Skullions.” -Crucible slang for death
“I thought you said we wouldn’t need booster packs?” – Phlurx the Hapless
The Logos like to call it aggressive motivation.
“Were you gonna eat that?”
“Don’t touch anything.”
Titan Fabrication Labs: Building a Bigger Tomorrow.
“Well, just lock it again!” – Quixo the “Adventurer”
“I bring tidings.”
Only the Brobnar would look at a Grumpus and say, “Yeah, I’ll tame that.”
“How do you put it on?” ”Very carefully.”
Do, Rei, Mi, AHHH!
“This hand’s not gonna fill itself.”
“It might, though.”
“Stow it Clyde; I’m working a bit here!”
“They aren’t that bad if you can pay their price.” – Iona, Demonologist
“We only concern ourselves with ‘can’; let the Sanctum worry about ‘should’.”
”He shocks more than just worms; that’s just a name.” – Inka the Spider
Worlds Collide
Hints of iron shavings and Macis venom.
“Remember, they only look old-fashioned.” -Commander Chan
Domesticating local fauna isn’t exactly Alliance protocol.
…numbers in accordance with psychological impulse theory as determined by Descartides, as I am sure I do not have to remind you, all of which is irrelevant as I’ve just noticed that this has been digitally preserved for 2.1 decimal patching…
A weapon of great magma-tude.
The trap is simple, it’s the bait that matters.
“Knowledge can be very enlightening.” -Quixo the “Adventurer”
A dash of toil, two pinches of trouble, one chicken…
The chain was intended as a punishment.
“We get it, you’re the best. Now come out and fight!” -Gron Nine-Toes
A warm, burnt-hair nose with a razor-blade body.
Capitus Coronam has the greatest monuments in the republic…and the highest taxes.
“Fleet Command has to be out there somewhere.”
“Our mission didn’t end. It just changed.”
Like drinking a ten-cannon concert.
Cultural Exchange Officer Taber is everyone’s best friend.
The trap is simple, it’s the bait that matters.
“It consumes memories. The fresher, the better.” – Iona, Demonologist
“You are right to fear me.”
The trap is simple, it’s the bait that matters.
Everyone looks up to the Saurians.
“I tinhk I hvae it cnfeurogid crtcrloey.”
“After my encounter with the demon, I felt…nothing.” – Inka the Spider
Discordant. Disturbing. Disgusting.
A gentle bear is still a bear.
Just because this sector’s air is breathable, it doesn’t mean the next one’s will be.
The witches of Fangtooth Cavern don’t appreciate visitors.
Hail to the Saurus Rex, first among equals.
Rob from the rich, steal from the poor.
“Frane, hand me the—“
”Here you go, captain.”
“Not today!”
“Welcome to the Grand Star Alliance!”
The trap is simple, it’s the bait that matters.
There’s always more room in the pit.
“Come, let me taste your mettle.”
Spicy nose, rude body, killer finish.
Tastes like feet made of explosions.
Fire control by committee.
No matter a demon’s intentions, disaster always follows.
“And they call ME ‘Crash.’” -Crash Muldoon
The best getaway drivers don’t know they’re getaway drivers.
“Orb of Wonder? Best I can do is two bits.” -Selwyn the Fence
“Hard light constructs provide a nice protective bubble, with a beat you can dance to!”
There’s no such thing as a free hug.
The trap is simple, it’s the bait that matters.
Who’s more clever?
“A ship. The sea. What more could I want?”
“I want it all.”
“But apart from the roads, sanitation, and education, what have the Saurians ever done for us?” -Brend the Fanatic
“A million years ago the empire rose. A million years from now, it will still stand.”
“A murmook that’s blue is a friend to you.” – Old witch wisdom
“When you have eliminated the imp-ossible, whatever remains, however imp-robable, must be the truth.” -Quixo the “Adventurer”
“Move along. Nothing to see here.”
Its song is like the call of 10,000 voices, maybe more.
A weapon, or a motivational tool? It all depends on who’s holding it.
“You mess with my sister, you mess with me.”
…boom…BOOM…BOOM!!!
They’ve been predicting doom for the last 65 million years.
“Eclipse!” – Kymoor gang code for “enforcers are coming”
“I’ve explored thousands of possible futures. Somehow they all end up here.” – Qincan, Alliance outcast
“We’re optimistic, not naive.” -Captain Val Jericho
No book here is less than 10,000 years old.
“At last! Honorable combat!”
Sentimental value is the only type a demon cares about.
“Does the mischief have a purpose, or is she just mad?” – Inka the Spider
“I know I shouldn’t take off my encounter suit, but they’re so darn cute.”
“Ya got beef with me?”
It takes two to fight, but more is better.
“Fierce as a Brutodon and about as sharp.” – Livia the Elder
“The real trophy is the scar.”
“What happens when he runs out of trees?” – Sci. Officer Qincan
His name actually refers to his temper… but he is pretty short.
Great minds shrink alike.
“The real trophy is the scar.”
Two parts bear blood to one part motor oil.
“Ingram, put that down! We’re surrounded!” – Lieutenant Khrkhar
“I told you not to make it crabby.” – Dr. Escotera
“What happens when he runs out of trees?” – Sci. Officer Qincan
Smells of sulfur and tastes like licking batteries.
“If Ali says we’re lost, we’re really lost.” -Captain Val Jericho
They come to harvest it for their Æmbrew. Few ever leave.
Inventor of the screechbomb, the pneumatic axe, and the “big rock.”
“If you had seen what I have seen, you’d be mad too.” – the Mad Prophet Gizelhart
“That oughta get his attention.” – Dodger
“All I know is that I know everything.”
“The plasma nozzle is now calibrating.”
“Split two infinitives and call me in the morning.”
“Lang has been a little off since the crash. Keep an eye on her.” -Commander Chan
“It scans as ‘mostly harmless.’”
“Just let me check my calendar real quick…”
The so-called Quixxle Stone was the first piece of æmber discovered by the Quantum’s crew.
“Touch it. I dare you.” – Pingle Who Annoys
“Not again!”
“They smell worse than they look, and they taste worse than they smell.” – Dr. Escotera
“I tell you, the garbage I deal with every day…”
“Four coins should cover it, right?”
The trap is simple, it’s the bait that matters.
She hasn’t taken the goggles off since the crash.
A Brobnar king only lasts as long as their strength holds.
His name actually refers to his temper… but he is pretty short.
Equal parts beverage and weapon.
“Et tu, Brutodon?”
“I’ll drain you until there’s nothing left.”
“You cannot speak with animals if you persist in thinking of it as speech.” -Eldest Bear
Its evil hiss is the closest demons come to music.
“…and furthermore, Nova Hellas must be destroyed.” -Livia the Elder
The Grand Star Alliance is happy to accept the best and brightest from any world.
Contents: 1 Carrot. 304 Nails.
“It worked!“
”What do you mean ‘it worked’? There was a chance it wouldn’t work?!”
“Has anyone seen Flerp?”
“Set stunners to…stun?”
The chain keeps us together, running in the shadows.
“Now we just reverse the polarity and our problems are solved!”
Productivity will improve dramatically—once we work out the side effects.
“Look into my eye. Give me your fear.”
When two biomes meet for the first time, not everything survives.
“Semper pergimus intrepidi” – Inscription on the tower of the Golden Spiral
All anvils are quiet until you use them.
“For the good of the Republic!”
The trap is simple, it’s the bait that matters.
“But if we ever do make it back, think of what we can share!”
Prince Derric stared at his warty feet. His mission was not going well.
“Don’t be afraid.”
“Waste is down 80%, and we have an all-time high cube surplus!”
Version 207 notes: Now includes Darmokian, Aquan, and Swamp Bubble.
The Brobnar have 30 different words for “battle.” Conveniently, most of them rhyme.
“You like to pretend assassins don’t exist-until you need us.”
“We remember what you seek to forget: humans are animals too.” -Xenos Bloodshadow
“I call myself Bloodshadow, make my home in Fangtooth Cavern, and turn my enemies into toads. What will it take for you to leave me alone?”
Blending in with the locals sounded easier on paper.
“We come in peace.”
Mass Mutation
Red flashing lights mean the same thing on every world in the Grand Star Alliance.
After the disaster on Roddenfruit-5, red uniforms were discontinued.
“They said they’d bring it right back.” -Squire Alys
“The Red Shroud will defend the Crucible from the threat of dark æmber.”
“One for me, and one for Mr. Shadow.”
“The most savage demon I have ever encountered.” -Inka the Spider
“Look, Momo: now I have a quantum death ray, too!”
Hard æmber shell. Delicious emotion filling.
“Let me be thy horns.”
Rise in body, that you may rise in spirit.
You have only yourself to blame.
“Dark æmber unlocks one’s true potential.” -Dark Queen Gloriana
Exile to the Mesoterranean Sea is often considered a death sentence.
Losing the election was just the beginning...
“It’s Dhrxgar. It rhymes with Rmqxyrx.”
“The cornicens go first so the rest of us don’t have to hear them.” -Primus Unguis
Saurians are so convinced of their own perfection, they regard any mutation as a curse.
The beating heart of the Republic.
He died the way he lived: gazing adoringly at himself in the mirror.
The vault opened and everything changed.
“Change is coming.”
“Significantly less tubular.” -Quixo the “Adventurer”
Everyone comes to Hub City eventually.
Cool bots don’t look at explosions.
“They who deal with demons are twice cursed.” -The Sanctified Scroll
Etan was never seen again.
Ivan has been acting odd since the dark æmber experiment.
“I can’t wait to tell everyone about this!”
“I share the gift.”
“Seeker of wisdom, I say unto you: never wake me before noon.” -from the Ravings of the Prophet Gizelhart
“It’s a win-win.”
“For pie, my brothers!”
“The dark æmber will set my faerie brethren free.” -Dark Queen Gloriana
“I made a few upgrades last night!”
“My friends, eat, drink, and be merry. For tomorrow we shall eat, drink, and be merry again.”
“I’m sure reinforcements are on the way.”
“Darn you! Darn you all to Dis!”
“What’s that ticking sound?” -Lost Lukas Lawrence
“Always clear your search history.” -Dr. Escotera
“I will tell you this: don’t ever speak to me or my son again.”
“I could’ve sworn I heard a bumblebird...”
The Grey Order is mysterious even to knights of the Sanctum.
“Okay, but if this is all a simulation, what happens if we reboot it?” -Simon.Root, E-chivist
Day 127: They still haven’t realized I’m not one of them.
“Don’t lick the roof unless you’re planning to stay a while.” -Dodger
“I wonder what you’ll turn into.”
When attuned to the vibro-frequency of æmber, the Observ-u-Max is a scout’s best friend.
Even Clawde has to admit that the dark æmber experiment was not entirely successful.
“If you had seen what I have seen, you’d be mad too.” -the Mad Prophet Gizelhart
“They aren’t paying me for accuracy.” -Pachykleitos
Don’t let it near your cheeks.
Of all Lord Invidius’s demonic court, none stand higher than Pride.
“I am justified, I am purified, I am sanctified.”
“When Archimedes refuses a task, I send the mechs.” -Quixo the “Adventurer”
A penny stolen is even better than a penny saved!
Self-preservation is not an instinct that imps possess.
“Boss, you told me to put the keys somewhere safe.”
Attempt no landing on the Mesoterranean Isles.
“Nope, not here either.”
Due to her love of flowers and thorny nature, she is often called the Queen of Spikes.
He doesn’t cut any slack.
“I think I misunderstood the assignment.”
“We should’ve done this outside.” -Medic Ingram
“Seriously, I feel fine!”
Otto was hard to spot even before he grew chameleonic scales.
In the Shadows, a mutation is just another edge to exploit.
Titan mechframes are built to last. They can even survive the endless tinkering of the engineers wearing them.
It’s more of a taking tree.
“Go go Ultra Gravitron!”
“I think it looks better.”
“A change this profound must be the will of the Architects.”
“The Logos didn’t appreciate my genius. Perhaps the Star Alliance will.”
Dark Tidings
A uniquely dangerous environment requires uniquely dangerous agents.
“We can start as soon as Aja gets here.” “...I’ve been here this whole time.”
“Alms for the poor.”
“Alms for me.”
“Stealth mode!”
“Not-stealth mode!”
“Why do they call him...never mind.” -Quixo the ”Adventurer”
“Uhhh... let’s come back tomorrow.”
“This is clearly beyond the scope of our all-you-can-eat policy!”
“Down to the deep where Kiligog sleeps.” -Unfathomable chant
“We can learn so much from our animal friends.”
“I told you to stay off the furniture!”
“To our enemies!”
“Does this even work on pixies?”
“I have diplodocus immunity.”
“Your diplodocus immunity has just been revoked.”
Dangerously speedy.
“Our harvests are for everyone.”
“What I reap, I keep. What you reap, I keep.”
“Oopsie poopsie!”
The tide presented a fresh new challenge.
He offers them glimpses of depths they may never know.
“No one knows why cuteness was a necessary adaptation for the pitch dark of the deep ocean.”
In its long history, the republic has yet to invent a punishment more dreaded than the public scolding.
“If thy enemy thirsts, remove their straw.”
—from the Ravings of the Prophet Gizelhart
“So you promised I was gonna get some worms…”
It holds a maddening siren song that twists the psyche of the uninitiated.
“Ice to meet you!”
“Is it cold in here, or is it just you?” -Sibyl Waimare
“We’ll form a committee to handle this!”
The Sanctum prefers blunt language.
“He’ll never miss it.”
“They’ll never miss him.”
Bred to protect. Trained to attack. Loves to snack.
Be careful what you fish for.
“The nice thing about juggling knives is that it gets their attention whether you’re good at it or not.”
“The hydrocataloguer isn’t just a Brutodon that you can dump things on. It’s a series of tubes.”
—Livia, the Elder
“Establishing dominance within the group appears to be largely pointless.”
The job's hazards and its benefits are one and the same.
“The lake giveth.”
“I taketh away.”
“Be not afraid.”
“Be very afraid.”
“You need to think outside the box.”
“Try thinking inside the box.”
“When thy faith equals mine, ye too can cut the ocean.”
“I honestly don’t know what to call it.” -Dodger
Few understand the secret of its power.
“It doesn’t plan on digesting the device, just swallowing it.” -Rocketeer Tryska
“Young murmooks are easily distracted.”
“Young murmooks are easily enraged.”
“Good electro-fences make good electro-neighbors.”
“Electro-neighbors are overrated.”
She has yet to lay eye on the sea’s greatest treasure.
“At last, my vision is complete.”
“Nothing that 8 years in the hinterlands can’t fix.”
“All we are is a ripple in the water.”
“I am not merely a ripple. I am a wave!”
“I’ve never pursued a criminal this brilliant.”
“That gorgeous idiot will never catch me.”
Unfathomable elders often frighten children with visions of sunlight and dry land.
Life on the Crucible radically changes one’s perception of improbability.
“You get an Æ+.”
“You get an Ω–.”
“Tide goes in, tide goes out. Rakuzel will explain.”
Against all odds, Dr. Verokter’s latest experiment was proceeding according to plan.
It’s hard to pick pockets when you’re all thumbs.
“We’ll be together forever, Glub-Glub!”
“Goodbye, Glub-Glub.”
“The sky’s the limit...for now.”
“These trinkets are to oxidize for!”
Exhibits of the republic’s eons-long history make it abundantly clear how futile it is to try to change them.
Always use eye protection.
“You wanna get scooped?”
“What a shame that the oldest among us cannot share their secrets.” —Deep Priest Glebe
“I told them to bring an ark.”
“Better to have and not need...”
“But I need it now!”
“Fight me, you coward!”
“You should have picked on someone your own size.”
“It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s...”
Isn’t it neat?
Tides on the Crucible behave in strange and often unpredictable ways.
“What happens to an Aquan when it gets hit by lightning?” —Bot Bookton
“We have much to gain from closer ties between our two faiths.”
“Hypothesis: æmber floats.”
“I’ll take care of you.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“The first time I hooked it, I struggled with it on the end of my line for hours before it finally got away.”
“The last time I hooked it, I only wished it had gotten away.”
Collecting taxes as a form of penance is a belief that only the Sanctum could even try to justify.
“It’s easy. Just recalibrate the pseudopneumatic gyroflange, disentangle the quantumagnetic æmbometer, then...”
“Our best guess is that this was a piece of Architect silverware.” -Scout Pete
“Surf’s up!”
“Intriguing result. Let’s do it again.”
“What do you mean you’re not water-resistant?!”
“I will be your light in the darkness.”
“Come to the light.”
“I guess he’s innocent?”
“That fabulously wealthy Saurian was right!”
“Let me out!”
“I shall protect this money with my life.”
“Your money or your life.”
Life finds a way.
They made him feel pretty.
“Skim a little off the top, a little off the middle...”
A solitary creature that can roam the depths for weeks without encountering another living thing.
Sometimes two heads are worse than one.
“Not AGAIN!”
“Even the smallest life is worth saving.”
“Even the smallest life is a worthy sacrifice.”
He likes the honey.
Show me the honey.
Rise of the Keyraken
In the wake of the Worldbreaker Cult's chief arcanists, the current buoyed the Keyraken's ascent.
"Long ago, it was sealed beyond reality. When it returns, our ascension will follow."
Radiance emanated from the broken seal, a red light falling upon the gathered faithful.
"This resonance originated from the Keyraken's seal! It shall crush all who stand before us!"
As the Worldbreaker Cult rallied around its unleashed champion, its numbers grew with amplified menace.
"Awfully roomy in here..."
“An extradimensional digestive system that can transmute the power of æmber? Fascinating… I should have put sensors on the crew." –Dr. Escotera
"Only destroying the beast can stop it now. I wish it were not so."
As long as the Keyraken must fight the current, perhaps there is a chance.
“The cult threatens to destroy even the most innocent life. We cannot allow that to come to pass."
–Imperial Zora, Archon
"I thought we were just going for a scenic dive!"
At its thought, entire oceans shift.
After absorbing æmber for millennia, the Keyraken became a force of nature.
"It's already destroyed the observatory–you don't think Bellatorus Castra is next?" –Senator Bracchus
"Try to keep up!"
"We're too slow. Engage the æmber thrusters!"
"Why do you stand in the way of our coming dominion?"
–Mikkron, Worldbreaker Zealot
As the Keyraken feasted on the observatory's æmber stores, it exploded in size.
"Welcome to your new home, shorecrawler."
–Mikkron, Worldbreaker Zealot
"Where are you going? The monster is up there!"
–Whirlpool Eddie
Abyssal Conspiracy
At the edges of each seal, hints of terrifying other dimensions bleed into reality.
"There is only one way out of this labyrinth of coral, and it leads right through dangerous hunting grounds." –Sir Marrows
Each seal is connected to its gate by a wall of sound waves that locks it in place.
"Each seal we open unleashes a new resonant frequency, spreading out like ripples and touching the minds of more and more Archons. Soon the whole Crucible will be ours!"
Ancient Unfathomable artifacts are so powerfully mind-altering that using them is more likely to cause death than enlightenment.
From beyond the seals came a strange resonance that formed untold numbers of evil twins.
"We seem to find new enemies at every turn."
The only thing that can close an opened seal is the sonic power of The Vaultbinder.
"With all these 'surprises' they're leaving us, you'd think the conspirators want to tell us something." -Captain Fermi
"6 arms = 300% Hugging Power." -Dr. Escotera
"The scale of Aquan reproduction is deeply unsettling." -Dr. Escotera
"Let the waves of resonance fill your mind and pull you down into sleep. You will wake as a whole new you."
"No signs of the Vaultbinder here, but there are plenty of local delicacies to sample." -Scout Pete
The seals are made from a material so tough that even a Logos proton scalpel cannot cut through it.
"Losing only a fraction of your sanity to the riptide is the best-case scenario..." -Captain Fermi
Most who try to decipher the glyph's secrets are vexed by their inability to understand. They are the lucky ones.
"So, you were the one sabotaging the Vortexilon!" -Captain Fermi
"The road is too dangerous. We need to go through the razor-coral forest and across Stingray Bay."
"Three days' fall with no sign of the Cult or its seals. But I should reach the bottom eventually."
"This is the finest deep-sea exploration vehicle house Logos ever built, but it will still take days to get all of its systems back online. Go find out who did this, and stop their schemes!" -Captain Fermi
"The Worldbreaker Cult must be nearby-I feel an eerie, electric potential in the water here." –Senator Bracchus
"Only the Vaultbinder can close the seals, but you will never find it!" –Deep Priest Anikava
Evil light shines from behind the opening seals...
"Our coming was foretold eons ago." -Dr. Escotera's evil twin
"More traps. We must be on the right track." -Captain Fermi
==Vault Masters 2023==
Winds of Exchange
”Cadet Byron, cancel the undersea walk.”
“While we’re on the subject, I have a nephew who would be perfect for the position…”
”Flush ‘em.”
”Well. We say ‘ancient,’ but the battle was ongoing as of last week.”
”What I can offer you has not been seen in generations.”
”This can’t possibly backfire.” -Tyranus Aurelius the Unwise, 5th Century
”10 ration packs! Do I hear one memory of pure bliss and a legal name?”
”Oh, man, you got an ultra-mega secret rare?! I want one!”
“I can’t wait to tell my mom!”
“Cast aside your earthly desires and we can unlock the secrets of the Architects together.”
“You will never achieve transcendence while you remain focused on the material.”
A single Bellatoran is worth 300 normal soldiers, and they cost as much, too.
They pay him with chances to do what he loves most.
”Join me, and the Revolution will never die.”
The eternal battle of surf and turf.
“I knew I had the giant’s cards beat, so I went all-in. Unfortunately, he went brawl-in, and I’m the one that took the beating.” -Old Bruno
”Loudness: 8/10. Destruction: 9/10. I like this band!” -Thom, Brobnar Music Critic
The mind can only fathom so much beauty.
“This means he likes us, right?”
”All objects are immaterial. Only the spirit is eternal.” -The Sanctified Scroll
“Within the shell”-A Getrookyan expression for a private matter
”Æmber belongs in the hands of the enlightened.”
“All aboard!”
“I’ll get the configuration right one of these times.”
His knock-knock jokes never land.
“I don’t understand! This worked perfectly in a vacuum!”
”I’m afraid I cannot afford your entire culture, Lieutenant. Perhaps only your mode of dress?”
“I swear I had my talking tray this morning!”
Buyer beware.
“Just the clams, ma’am.”
“You’d be worth a fortune, but it’s not a good market for egos right now.”
“At least now I know where all the æmber went.”
The crowd began to thin out around the three-day mark.
“You get your æmber from WHERE?!” -Exchange Student Va-olag
Getrookyan defense systems are as much about looking extravagant as they are about defense.
Also, Arms of Strength! And Hands of Strength!
“Same thing we do every night, Soleft: swim in a circle.”
”Command! I found Beronzo’s transponder! Request extraction!”
When you’ve worked at a place for over 300 years, it can be difficult to leave.
“I’ll get ‘em this time...”
”I come from the land of the ice and snow, where the goblins shiver and the grumpus grow.”
“I keep hoping it will boost my present, but no luck so far.”
”The Brobnar music group Bräkken formed after an industrial accident, itself possibly caused by their first concert...” -Rezon, Logos Music Critic
“Offered: a gem from my coat. Required: your heart’s desire.”
”Turns out it was the bot I was looking for.” -Captain Val Jericho
”Got ‘em right in the chromosomes.”
“Not you again.”
When you’re a Giltspine, you’re a Giltspine all the way.
Improving both function and fashion!
”I love Thrax. He leaves me the most glowing feedback!” -Aloysius the Naive
”To walk in light and shadow at once. This is the balance of the Grey Order.”
The average career of a Grondal Wrangler is only eight seconds.
“Aren’t these the same boxes from yesterday?”
”From an economics standpoint, we’re all selling our bodies.”
”Bräkken burns through drummers at a dizzying pace.”
”Sanctum æmber just feels nicer than regular æmber.”
Against a well-trained Hoplite, you are never out of melee range.
”So long as we remember, she never truly dies.”
”Can it breathe underwater, Soleft?” ”I don’t know, Flounderight. Let’s find out.”
“Prove that you are ready for the Deeper Mysteries.”
”I just really feel like she cares about mammals like me!”
“At least I’m covered!”
For the short shall be made tall and the tall shall be brought low.
Soldiers of Mars, unite! You have nothing to lose but your brain-chem conditioning!
“For the Revolution!”
”We don’t need the Elders anymore! We can make our own society!”
”Season’s beatings!”
“There was supposed to be a Crucible-shattering kaboom!”
The deep holds wonders, as well as terrors.
”Faith is the best shield. But just in case...”
Æmber means something different to everyone. To her, it meant friends.
Good kelp is hard to find.
Grant Coral’s famous painting of a farming couple put a friendly face on the mysterious Aquans.
“Well, I’ll be a grumpus’s uncle! How did we arrive in this dark situation?”
”Why would we trust you with a plasma dory before you’ve proven you can handle a bronze sword?”
”My eyes are fine; it’s my neck that makes it difficult to read!”
“Stop trying to steal what I’ve rightfully plundered!”
“My widgets!”
”Hah! Stupid Soldiers. Good thing there’s none of those around, eh, fellow Elders?”
“The secrets of the Architects are only for the worthy.”
The sooner we get to 100 signatures, the sooner the feast can begin.
The rebels’ impatience will be their undoing.
”The first rule of the Might Club is: the one who holds the Might Club makes the rules.”
”The Soldiers are revolting! Quick, make more Soldiers!”
After standing vigil, a newly made knight dons their armor for the first time.
”Together, we are as tall as any Elder!”
Ensign Norbyn discovered them, named them, and may have (accidentally) created them.
“Conversation is an exchange. The counters keep us in balance.” -Gĕzdrutyŏ the Arcane
”It’s not a dishonorable ambush if you shout ‘have at thee’ before you charge.” -Lieutenant Gorvenal
”The history books will remember my name!” -Unknown
”Thou art so ugly...”
The vagaries of Saurian politics mean that statues rise and fall at an alarming rate.
”Avoid dropping, submerging in water, and looking directly into the beam.” -User’s Manual
The more his colleagues to the left criticize his policies, the stronger Marius’s rhetoric becomes.
“Thanks for volunteering.”
”No more deals! The store is closed! Please stop following us!”
“Good thing they didn’t make it farther than the bathrooms.” -Shakedown Sullivan
“There! Now nobody gets it.”
“I prefer my history on vinyl.”
”They that believeth in each other shall not die, but shall have life everlasting.”
Explaining almsgiving to the Ekwidon stalled until Sister Amelia convinced them that “goodwill” has tangible value.
No shield can hinder an angel’s wrath.
As the power of the Red Shroud faded, the Grey Order rose to fill the void.
The Starsong calls restless warriors to a greater purpose. Revna is its latest incarnation.
“He didn’t get into Bräkken. He bombed his audition.” -Quixo the “Adventurer”
BOING!
”An army marches on its stomach. Literally, in my case.” -from the Ravings of the Prophet Gizelheart
“Teleporter online! Failure chance: acceptable!”
For each treasure found, the scrounger leaves a fair exchange.
“You mean if I buy 26, I get the 27th free?!”
The curved creature clears the way.
The slow creature sets the pace.
The unfolding creature scouts ahead.
“Stop shooting yourself!”
“I thought it was an ice gesture.”
“Socraterosaurus is known as the most influential philosopher of all time.” -Socraterosaurus
“What shall we do tonight, Flounderight?”
”Congratulations! Here is your sword. The enemy is that way.”
“Hold still, ya big galoot! Stop nuzzling me!”
“Imitation flossum is just not the same.”
“Give me a high five.”
”I’ve got your back.” ”No, I’ve got your back.”
”Finders keepers, drowners weepers.”
Anyone who thinks the real decisions are made in the senate has never been to a symposium.
”With my strong jaw and your... uh... crest-thing, we’ll be unstoppable!”
“Some great valley this is!”
“Here’s to living comfortably.”
Because customers kept bumping into the invisible model.
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.
As with all things in the Compacts of Ekwidon, gifts can only be exchanged, never given.
Their family’s crumble recipe was almost too precious to trade.
When all shell breaks loose, it pays to keep your head and drink your tea.
Bellatoran Warriors are worth their weight in Æmber.
“All things have a price. Life is priceless. Therefore, life does not exist.”
”My word is my bond, but also let us sign a contract.”
“I’m sure I can find someone who’ll take it.” -Steward Su-Uzyanĕ
”Cadet Beronzo was uploading throughout the entire encounter, so fortunately we were able to recover an enormous amount of data on the creatures’ diet and habits.”
”Never have I seen such a depraved, barbaric display that purports to be music.” -Lirio, Saurian Music Critic
“Goodbye.”
“Sing, my angelfish of music!”
“Down with the Elders!”
It didn’t take a lot of psychic power to convince a thief to steal, but they used a lot anyway.
==Menagerie 2024==
Grim Reminders
“...and this is mine, and...”
Roll for insight.
“VROOOM!”
Forget about it.
Bet you saw that coming.
Going once, going twice... Gone!
I must break you!
“AIIEEEEE!”
Only echoes return from the Bottomless Depths.
I will never be alright.
“Good luck to you!” -Captain Val Jericho
“We're so happy you could join us!”
“I swear I had my talking tray this morning!”
Rooted in wisdom and nurtured by change, the hearts unfurl revealing the ever-shifting tapestry of power.
“It’s been handled.”
"She will live forever." - Champion Anaphiel
Mr. Tulip, there are people here from the government!
If we inject directly into the fusion reactor, it might give us the kick we need.
If you will look, you can find me, and you’re lost.
It will be an excellent addition to the collection.
“Even in defeat, the Grave Pixie can mend its wings and rise again.” -Chelonia
You won’t regret it.
“History repeats itself.” -Human Proverb
“We've managed to contain the phenomenon in a handheld vessel.” -Sci. Officer Qincan
The only thing stronger than her shields is her will.
On this island, they're all safely locked away.
“One civilization’s trash is another’s next generation.”
If you make a task simple, it will be easy.
We’re lost in these memories.
Optional feature beginning with batch W08MA10
The Generals are going to corner the entire frozen Purpleberry juice market!
“You will make an excellent friend.”
The vow has been honored.
“Good for the body.”
The annual redistribution of wealth always involves some sacrifice.
At long last, what was locked away will emerge.
I didn't have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one instead.
Latest model features 58% more ergonomic curves.
“It’s behavior like this that gets etched into your permanent record.”
“Did I get ’em?”
“I’m afraid that you will be quite un-operational.”
Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, oh.
“It’s far superior to Plan 9.”
Did they know they weren't wearing parachutes?
Proton Siphon is not a toy.
After managing the fiasco of pallet J77923, “Botty” has been promoted to the position of Quartermaster.
“Shiny!”
“Good as new.”
As you fade into the night, who will tell the story of your life?
He likes to give them the first hit.
In the intricate dance of symbiosis, fungi weave a subterranean network of mycelium that nourishes the soil and connects all life in the forest.
That’s how they get you. They’re under the ground!
Fury Nugget is on the move.
They’re real bad this time of year.
You can’t gain something without giving something in return.
“Good for the soul.”
Add a dash of fear and experience.
“I swear I've seen this before.” - MAA Midovi
They’re here already!
At our end, we will return to the embrace of the Crucible, for it is in her soil and under her skies that our journey finds its eternal home.
When the moon is round, you will summon us from under the ground. Oh, oh! We shall be back.
They feed upon Æmber.
On the Crucible, land claims you!
Now with Speed Fins!
We hold our ground and stun the enemy into a momentary dance of helplessness.
Aggressive negotiations are their speciality.
I was no longer a master, but an animal among the animals, under the Martian heel…
Once you identify the Warfaline, it’s already too late.
That’s not a building.
Death is only the beginning.
Macis asps? Why did it have to be Macis asps?